The Power of Authentic Connecting
By Zach Slobin
 |
What is authentic connecting and why should you care? In this article, I will discuss the importance and true power of authentic connecting while showing you how easy it is to make an influential bond with someone in just a short amount of time.
So where ever you are, at a networking event, shopping, out to dinner, at the gym, etc. you are given the opportunity to connect with another individual whose life you could potentially change and one who could potentially change your life as well. Okay, so maybe their life will not change overnight, but it could set them on a different path so in a few months or years their life will transform.
Before I dive into the meat of the editorial, I want to define "authentic connecting." The word authentic means not false or copied, genuine, real. Connecting is defined as: to join, link, or fasten together, unite or bond. Combining the two words together symbolizes a genuine bond between two or more separate entities. In other words, you have made a sincere reciprocity with another person. Your intentions are straightforward, honest, and unequivocal.
One more thing before I begin, remove the words, "What do you do," from your vocabulary. This clichéd, unoriginal inquisition is used over and over in our society to get to know someone. Does this mean we are defined by what we do for living? Does your job define you? NO. What we do for a living is an extension of our Being, but does not make us who we are. Most of the time people settle in their jobs, relationships, and actions as they are too afraid of failing.
It's strange that people would rather play it safe than live up to their full potential. Instead, replace this outdated question with, "Tell me your story," or "Tell me about yourself." By asking another question you are giving the person the opportunity to share themselves with you. It also separates you from the rest and reassures that you truly want to hear their story without judgment.
The secret to really authentically connecting with someone can be broken into 7 Not So Simple Steps. Yes, the NOT is not a typo and I am not contradicting myself. Be patient, read on, and you will get it! The first condition you are required to learn is that everyone deserves consideration. The grocery clerk, the bus boy, the assistant, the waitress, the barista, etc all should be given consideration.
Do not just discount someone because of their clothes, sex, profession, culture, religion, age, etc. Remember that some of the most influential people were college dropouts and appeared to the world as failures. Luckily someone had the courage to look past their exterior and give them a shot.
After you have abandoned your judgmental nature, which at times will reveal its ugly head from time to time, the next step is to focus on making a difference in their life. Don't make it about you, rather shift your energy into helping them. If you are unable to help, ask yourself, "Do I know anyone that could possibly assist this person?" Include their self-interest into yours.
The third action is to meet people where they are at. You might be super successful now, but you were not always. You too, once had to work odd jobs to make the rent and pay the bills. Be conscious of other people's challenges as most likely you also had to overcome similar obstacles to get to where you are now.
Next on the agenda is to learn what they aspire to be. Truly understand their dreams, passions, and where they want to go in life. You never know, you may have similar desires. Sometimes we feel as if we are alone in the world and there is no one like us. For as much as we are different, we are so similar.
Fifth, you want to listen and speak from within. Listen so hard it hurts. Practice being an active listener.
Do not think about what you are going to say next while someone is talking. When you do this, you miss the essence of what they are saying. This is a hard step to master and takes practice, practice, practice. When it is your turn, speak from your heart and don't just reply with what you think the other person wants to hear.
After the individual has finished telling you about them, share yourself. Be honest, truthful, respectful and transparent. Don't glorify your successes and water down your failures. Lastly, create a space to move forward. Ask the person, "How may I be of service to you? or "What can I assist you with?" DO NOT just utter these inquiries if you truly do not want to assist and you are only doing it as a way to benefit you. When you ask sincerely, your offer is almost always reciprocated and if not, it's NOT ABOUT YOU ANYWAY!
Yes, these 7 steps are simple, but take practice and follow through. By following them, you will begin to make authentic connections with people you encounter and potentially change their and your life for the better!
7 Not So Simple Steps:
1. Everyone deserves consideration
2. Focus on making a difference in their life
3. Meet people where they are at
4. Learn what they aspire to be
5. Listen and speak from within
6. Share yourself
7. Create a space to move forward
Guest post by Zach Slobin
Zach Slobin,
